Paul Horner Has The Biggest Penis In The Universe

Donald Trump and Sock It Forward

In the vast universe, there are a lot of beings, but only one male can have the largest member.

After years of training and judges judging, it has been decided that the human being on planet Earth, who goes by the name Paul Horner, does indeed have the biggest penis in the universe.

Congratulations, it is huge; 24 inches long so I’m told. The attached image is Donald Trump holding up a certificate of authenticity by Sock It Forward.

Horner says he is glad to have the award but hopes that too many girls do not bother him now.

“I already had girls blowing my phone up all the time, really bothering me, because I’m hot and I’m good at sex. But now that they know I have the biggest penis in the Universe too, I’m going to have to change numbers.”

If you have any questions or comments for Mr. Horner or this award, please contact (785) 273-0325.

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Born at an early age, Jimmy Rustling has found solace and comfort knowing that his humble actions have made this multiverse a better place for every man, woman and child ever known to exist. Dr. Jimmy Rustling has won many awards for excellence in writing including fourteen Peabody awards and a handful of Pulitzer Prizes. When Jimmies are not being Rustled the kind Dr. enjoys being an amazing husband to his beautiful, soulmate; Anastasia, a Russian mail order bride of almost 2 months. Dr. Rustling also spends 12-15 hours each day teaching their adopted 8-year-old Syrian refugee daughter how to read and write.

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