Paul Horner Has The Biggest Penis In The Universe

Donald Trump and Sock It Forward

In the vast universe, there are a lot of beings with a lot of members, but there can be only one male being with the largest member.

After years of training and judges judging, it has been decided that the human being on planet Earth, who goes by the name Paul Horner, does indeed have the biggest penis in the universe.

“This thing is huge,” Stacey Perkins, one of the judges told CNN. “It is 24 inches long and very girthy too, like a babies arm, it’s beautiful; I could look at it all day.”

Donald Trump took no time in presenting the award by holding up a certificate of authenticity for reporters done by charity organization Sock It Forward.

Horner says he is glad to have the award but fears that more girls will bother him now.

“I already had girls blowing my phone up at all hours of the day, really bothering me, because I’m hot and I’m good at sex and they already knew I had the biggest penis in the world. But now that it has been confirmed that I have the biggest penis in the Universe too, I’m going to have to change my number.”

If you have any questions or comments for Mr. Horner or this award, please contact the 24-hour Biggest Penis In The Universe Hotline at (785) 273-0325.

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Born at an early age, Jimmy Rustling has found solace and comfort knowing that his humble actions have made this multiverse a better place for every man, woman and child ever known to exist. Dr. Jimmy Rustling has won many awards for excellence in writing including fourteen Peabody awards and a handful of Pulitzer Prizes. When Jimmies are not being Rustled the kind Dr. enjoys being an amazing husband to his beautiful, soulmate; Anastasia, a Russian mail order bride of almost 2 months. Dr. Rustling also spends 12-15 hours each day teaching their adopted 8-year-old Syrian refugee daughter how to read and write.


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